Your Mind has Probably Been Lying to you

That’s right, your mind has probably been lying to you your whole life. How, you ask? Our minds tend to convince us that circumstances cause our emotions. For example, you may think, “I am sad because I did poorly on my math test.” In reality, it is not the event itself that is making you feel upset, but how you think about that event. You might be thinking “I failed because I am stupid” instead of thinking “I did poorly because I studied the wrong way, next time I’ll study differently and do better.” If you find yourself frequently thinking thoughts like “I failed because I am stupid”, you are experiencing what is known as a cognitive distortion.

What is a Cognitive Distortion?

The American Psychological Association defines cognitive distortion as “faulty or inaccurate thinking, perception, or belief.” Cognitive distortions present themselves in many different ways. For example, you might tell yourself that a project you are working on is either destined for resounding success or miserable failure; all or nothing thinking. Or you might immediately jump to the conclusion that a valued item was stolen, never to be returned, just because you can’t find it after looking for 15 minutes; this is catastrophizing. There are many other types of cognitive distortions, and you can find an extensive list with examples in this article on healthline.com. The fact is, our unconscious interpretation of situations creates our reality, whether that is positive or negative. For some of us, our interpretation of events is most often negative. This can contribute to a number of mental issues and can get in the way of living a happy, healthy, fulfilling life. 

What Can I do about it?

If you are one of those people who seem predisposed to negative thinking, cognitive reframing may be the perfect tool for you. Cognitive reframing is the process of shifting your mindset so you’re able to approach a situation from a different perspective. It may not change a negative situation itself, but cognitive reframing can help us interpret our experiences in a positive, productive way. Therapists commonly use cognitive reframing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to treat various conditions, including PTSD, addictions, anxiety, depression, stress, and others. You can practice cognitive reframing techniques anytime, anywhere. But, it is helpful to employ the guidance of a trained therapist to help you effectively navigate these techniques, especially if you experience negative thought patterns regularly.

Here are 5 tips for getting started with Cognitive Reframing

1. Recognize Negative Cognitive Distortions

To change a negative way of thinking, you first have to be aware of it. Monitor your thoughts and start recognizing patterns in your thinking. You may be more vulnerable to certain types of cognitive distortions or situations. Identifying and naming those thought patterns can help you prepare your mind to deal with those situations ahead of time. 

For example, you may frequently experience social anxiety and catastrophize social interactions.  Your thought process may look something like this: ‘I was so awkward when I was talking to that person, I said the wrong thing, now they think I’m weird, they would never be my friend, I won’t ever make any friends.’ Being able to recognize this harmful thought pattern early may help you change it before you spiral into an anxious or depressive episode. 

It may be helpful to keep a journal and write down your thoughts whenever you experience anxiety or sadness. In doing so, you will begin to recognize the negative thought patterns you are most susceptible to and reframe them before they get the better of you. 

2. Acknowledge and Validate your Emotions

To prevent yourself from spiraling down a path of self-destructive thoughts, learn how to acknowledge and validate your emotions without judgment. You have a right to feel. It is okay to be angry, it is okay to feel scared or upset, and it is important to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Identify and acknowledge your emotions without becoming upset with yourself for feeling that way. This will help you learn to manage those negative emotions and begin to reframe them. Blaming yourself for feeling a certain way closes you off from being able to process it and change it. 

3. Challenge Your Assumptions 

Many different techniques can be used to challenge and change your negative thoughts. Ask yourself a series of questions to determine if the thought is true or helpful.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

• “Is this thought even true?”
• “If my friend expressed this about themselves, how would I react? What would I say to them?”
• “Is this thought pattern helpful or productive?”
• “What other ways could this be interpreted?”

Another great way to challenge your assumption is to use ‘Yes, but’ statements.‘Yes… but’ statements allow you to validate your emotions and bring balance to your thought patterns. This technique will enable you to counter negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, “Yes, I did poorly on my math test, but now I know what I need to work on for the next one.” 

4. Gathering Evidence

Write down the negative thought you are experiencing and look for evidence for and against that thought. You can do this over an extended period of time and list the facts that are for and against that negative thought. 

For example, if you didn’t get an invite to hang out with some friends for the evening, you might think, “My friends hate me, they don’t want to hang out with me anymore, and nobody likes me.” 

• Evidence supporting this thought: Some friends didn’t invite me to hang out with them. 
• Evidence against this thought: My friends invited me to hang out last week, and I have plans with them in three days. They always act supportive and tell me how much they like to hang out.
• Conclusion: My friends don’t need to invite me to everything to show that they still like hanging out with me. 

5. Generating Alternatives

If you often catastrophize or experience black and white thinking, generating alternatives can be a great tool to reframe those cognitions. For example, if, out of nowhere, you were yelled at by a loved one for a minor mistake, you might think, “This person hates me, I’m worthless, I don’t do anything right, I deserved to be yelled at.” None of these statements are helpful or productive. Instead of letting yourself believe these destructive thought processes, generate alternatives to look at things from a different perspective. Maybe this individual was having a bad day and just snapped. Or I could have been doing something unknowingly that built up and led to a breaking point. What can I do differently to prevent this in the future? Maybe this person made a similar mistake in the past and was treated in the same way. They could have lashed out because I did such an excellent job on everything else, and they were feeling insecure. These alternative ways of thinking about the event can lead to vastly different feelings toward the perpetrator, yourself, and the situation itself. 

What Next?

These are just a few tips to get started with cognitive reframing. As mentioned previously, the best way to get started with cognitive reframing is with the guidance of a trained therapist. It takes a lot of practice and can take time to master. If you or a family member suffers from anxiety, depression, negative thought patterns, or a myriad of other conditions, you may want to consider pursuing CBT therapy and cognitive reframing.  A licensed therapist can help you navigate these techniques most effectively.